Well, the 6 month anniversary and going home were pretty "easy", if i could use such a word to describe my mood upon arriving in Los Angeles, clearing mom's closet full of clothes, and finally seeing friends in an environment of a less morbid make up, were by far an easier adventure than what i had made them out to be here in Prague. But, today has been awful. I'm not sure why, and i sure as hell don't understand. I miss my mom... i miss her a lot today. I hate that most people will never understand what it feels like until later on in life, though i am quite sure it won't make it any less difficult than what I'm going through now. It will suck just as equally across the board. 7 months seems like such a random time/number to be grief stricken again.. 6 months I get; 1 year i totally understand, but 7 months?! When did 7 months become a valid number for measuring time? I keep thinking that as "time goes by" it will get "easier". And here's the big surprise... it doesn't get easier... it becomes more tolerable. Yesterday was tough as well. Nothing says miserable quite like seeing moms and their daughters together in the shopping mall to really get old water works here flowing. I hate that I can't call her on the phone, write her an e-mail, send her a text message, write her a letter the good ole' fashion way. Everything about it is just miserable. As with most things in life, i know the sadness of today will fade and perhaps tomorrow i will be joyful with all that life has given me. Today however, i will feel sad, miss my mom, and wish that things could have been different.
I love you mommy...
